Thursday, September 28, 2006

Kate Moss in shopping shocker

Just been for lunch on Portobello Road and I was strolling back to the office when I was aware of a throng of - I swear - about 40 people outside some shop. They were standing in the road and on the opposite side of the street, all expectant as a bouncer/bodyguard blocked the entrance to the shop. I asked someone who it was (maybe Tony Blair or Kofi Annan was in there) - and they said Kate Moss. Ergh. I walked on to the park to sit on a bench and looking at 2 pigeons fighting over a bit of dried sick on the pavement. It was more interesting.

Avez-vous du mayonnaise?

Oh man, I know this feeling so well.

Several months ago me and my then girlfriend, now wife, were in Paris for a romantic weekend. Our romantic weekend revolved largely around food and so it was inevitable we ended up in a street-side cafe for a little bowl of frites and a Diet Coke (to negate the fries).

However, when they arrived, the frites were naked. No mayonnaise as we had been used to in Holland, so I called the waitress over and asked in my best GCSE French for some mayonnaise. She gave me a disgusted look, and asked if I was sure. I said yes, thank you, I am sure and it was for the fries. Again she looked perplexed and disgusted and traipsed off.

Some time later (when we'd almost finished, of course) she brought to us a glass of Baileys with ice. Confusing looks all round and then she said, in English, "I thought you said you wanted some Bailey's"!

My other moment of embarassment in the French language came when I went on a shopping day-trip (aka 'booze cruise') from London to somewhere in Northern France. The aim being to stock up on cheap alcohol in France and bring it back to England on the ferry. However, it started at 7am on the coach with someone opening some Pimm's and the day got hazier from that point on.

At around 1pm I found myself slightly drunk and very hungry standing in a hypermarche on the outskirts of Rouen. So I headed for the deli counter where I could see lots of cheese sample on little paper plates balanced precariously on the top of the curved plastic window/guard thingy.

I reached past a gaggle of middle-aged French women stocking up on Camembert and Port Salut to grab some of the free cheese and, in doing so, knocked 4 plates of cheese to the floor with the oversized sleeves of my ski-jacket.

Everyone stopped and looked at me and I felt obliged to say something, but the only French I could remember at this point was "Regardez, les fromages".

I haven't been back.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Hello world!

At last, a personal blog that I have been looking forward to writing for many a moon. I have previously blogged for Elsevier under the name Computing Chris (alas, no longer available) and for the interactive music company I used to work for, but never for myself - so forgive me if I get too self-indulgent in the early posts. I'm just excited.

Anyone who knows where I got the somewhat esoteric blog name from, deserves comedy props from me. Anyone who doesn't, needs to watch this for an example of what good comedians and bad drugs can do.